Sunday, June 15, 2008

Things We Do For Love

Fisting…(Vaginal that is)

  • Jun. 14th, 2008 at 10:21 AM
By chel

I get a lot of responses when I say to people that I love to be fisted. Of course there is the Fister, the person who does the fisting and the Fistee, the one receiving the fist. Women fistees react in a few ways when they hear the word. Some will be scared (the “eep” response that happens when one’s panties are already wet) and want to quickly change the topic. Others may state that they love it also (the “heavy sigh” response that reminisces on those times gone by). Yet others will say oh they could never do that (the “dare I want such a thing” response with mixed feelings). And then there are those who say they have tried but have never been able to be fisted (the “bad memories” response of the failed attempts to please the one who has introduced them to this activity).

Now, fisters have a variety of reactions too. Some are incredulous and say their hands are just too big and they could never do that (the “oh I can’t think about it” response for fear of getting aroused). Others are all hot and bothered by the thought of plunging their fist into a woman’s vagina for whatever internal reaction they might have (the “supreme god/dess” response that entails being all powerful). Some will admit to trying it and not being successful and others will never dare admit to their failed attempts. I think it is common that many who do not necessarily truly understand fisting will say they have never enjoyed it and don’t really add it to their battery of sexual activities.

What exactly is fisting? Well for me fisting is a type of penetration and stimulation of my vagina, my mind and my body that includes incredible sensations and a fullness that I don’t think I have ever had rivaled by anything else. Fisting for me is a slow ritual almost and a gift from the fister to the fistee of pleasure and sensations that I am allowed to immerse myself into. Fisting at times is the only thing that will fully satisfy me. To feel the orgasms build and build and to not be able to get the full release until the fist is removed from me when my dams burst and my fluids flood out of me and I am truly spent. Yes, I do orgasm during the fisting (multiple times mind you when it is well done) but there is a certain amount that my body is not allowed to do because this foreign object filling me and keeping my walls from truly pulsing to the extent needed for the final release.

Fisting for me is not about the fister even though I have fisted someone before and it is an incredible experience on that end. Fisting is about me and about the dance between me and the fister. This dance includes an energy exchange for sure. I often times wonder at anal fisting because I can see the energy exchange with an orifice that is larger than the anal sphincter and ponder what it would feel like to have the smaller opening stretched and allowing the full penetration and claiming of that part of my body as well. Fisting is a time when someone else is in full control of my body that is opening itself like a gate for the entrance of the fister’s energy and power. Maybe that is what fisters get that creates some of the difficulties in doing the act: feeling powerful, power-filled. Fisting is not fully about power or claiming ownership on another body. Fisting is about enticing and eliciting an entry into the fistee’s core being. But not to discount the fact that once patience pays off the fister certainly does get an immense power rush.

Okay enough drivel and let me get into some details on how “I” like to be fisted. I will list some tips and my experiences and see where we go from there:

1. Don’t try to ram your fist into me. It isn’t going to work – just trust me on that okay? Sure it might from time to time but why do it that way? You totally miss the dance, the ritual, the eliciting of the opening of the fistee’s body and being to you. Note: if it feels like you are pushing against a brick wall, you probably are. It typically only annoys me at that point. I don’t want to be fisted to feel pain. I want to fly when I am fisted. I want to feel spent and fulfilled. I want to have the bonding memory of the sharing that happened between me and the fister as my body sucks their hand the final little bit into my body.

Side note: This sucking of the fist into my body – OMG!!!!! It is as silly as it is amazing though. Typically at this point I can giggle like a little girl. I may start to laugh and I am sure the hand that is buried to the hilt inside of me feels those additional contractions around it and probably wears the bruises for a few days because of it. I can remember the expressions of these very special dance partners (the fisters) and how they have this rather dazed look on their face. I am never sure until that point if they have experienced it before or not no matter how much they might say they have done fisting lots of times. When it is a look of bewilderment, I typically doubt if they have done it very often. When it is a look of pure delight and no fear, I know they have been there before and they are reaping the benefits of their patience and ritual dance that we have only just begun.

2. Have patience, don’t be in such a hurry!!! There was a song that someone sang to me when I was a teenager and she just a little child. It was a new song that she had learned. It pretty much went: “Have patience, have patience, don’t be in such a hurry. When you get, impatient, you only start to worry.” Basically what this boils down to is that if you are not patient, if you do not coax the flower open slowly and thoroughly, you end up losing out and also you haven’t stopped to smell the roses along the way. Oh my, I sure am filled with clichés today. But I really think in this case the clichés tell valid points. And to change the ditty a bit: Have patience, don’t be in such a hurry. When you get impatient, the fistee will only start to worry (and trust me that negates the purpose of even trying to fuck her pussy with your fist). Just remember, have patience, enjoy the process and don’t focus on the end result. This leads us to point three.

3. Progress not perfection!!! Whenever we are engaged in a dance in this sexual realm where danger and desire mingle and pleasure and pain join, there are risks that we have to be aware of. Recently I became very aware of the risks and the consequences of fisting and what can happen when the dancers are not fully engaged in the process but more focused on the end result. I wanted the fister to accomplish his goal. He wanted to give me pleasure (I assume anyway) and he probably thought he was doing it correctly. I was not communicating with the fister fully because I didn’t want to tell him he was doing it wrong for me. I wasn’t enjoying it as much as I truly enjoy the long drawn out dance of the coaxing and probing and the patient walk towards the slurp of the fister’s fist into my receptive pussy. It was like I just wanted the whole fist inside of me for his gratification and for satisfaction of my service to him. To be totally honest, it was not the first time he had fisted me and when he started, I just wanted it to be over so I was letting him go through the motions and I was enjoying it to a degree but not like I enjoy fisting typically.

I should have communicated better and I will forever regret that choice and the damage that happened because of my lack of input in the process and his corresponding lack of knowledge. To keep with my dance analogy, I guess you could say that we were dancing different dances but thinking we were dancing together. He was leading and I was letting my body follow but my mind was not there. I realize looking back on it that I wasn’t even enjoying the progress and all I wanted was his actions to be perfection to him. I wanted him to accomplish his goal and that was where my pleasure came in. Believe it or not I started writing this before this fisting fiasco happened.

The fisting fiasco was a serious vaginal tear and an immense loss of blood. The consequence was a trip to the emergency room where I had to be sutured up. I lost a significant amount of blood. The consequence was me feeling that my body betrayed me. The consequence is me being afraid to have penetration of my parts. I will not go into the consequences for the fister because I cannot speak of his knowledge there. The injury was a result of a lot of missteps and miscommunication. I don’t blame him for what happened because there are two people involved in every dance. I also could not have asked for someone as attentive to me as he was in the emergency room. At the time I wasn’t too worried about the legal consequence if the ER professionals took what happened for abuse, but thinking back I wonder how much he was concerned about that. Luckily I knew enough about that possibility that I made extra effort to let it be known that the activity was mutual and cooperative and not a situation of a bad situation gone worse.

So I mentioned progress and not perfection as an important item in fisting. It isn’t about getting the whole fist into me. It is about the dance and the process of relaxing my walls to allow entry of the fister into my core. It is about the dance of pleasure and not pain. It is about the excitement that builds as 3 fingers go in and the fourth one slides in with the in and out movements and the sounds of the wet walls and the suction of the movements. It is about when the thumb is added to the 4 fingers and the hand is allowed further entry, deeper and deeper. It is about the slurp of the knuckles and the feeling of the fister never getting his/her hand back from the deep, dark, hot, wet hole that has swallowed it. It isn’t about the fist ramming into my cervix (mind you some girls cannot stand their cervix hit at all). It isn’t about even having a fist inside of me. It is about the moment when my body opens up and takes in the fister’s power and being. It is about the thrill of that moment and the ones that follow when my body is in the fister’s total control. It is about my voice and my body becoming an extension of the fister. It is about the mindlessness that I reach where it doesn’t matter what noises I make or what way my body moves. It doesn’t matter how much I am saturating the blankets or towels. It is about that space where 2 people blend into one amazing capsule. That space where time is lost and the fister is reaching into my very core and filling my whole body with their pleasure. Whew… got lost there for a bit in the passion of the memories. Let us move on.

4. Surprise you are in and now what do you do? Well at this point is where you get to run the show because I am typically so overwhelmed with feelings that all I am doing is feeling. You have some important things to consider at this point. To begin with you have a fistee who doesn’t care about much beyond the pleasure she is feeling in that moment in time. LUBE is important even if you think there is nothing ever as wet as what you are into now. Act as if you have stock in every lube company possible – Use LOTS!!! You can take it slow and steady; you can take it fast and furious. The reality though is that you are in a very delicate part of the fistee’s body and the fistee will be very deep into a dance with you where all she really cares about is the pleasure she feels in her body and the power she feels filling her with your actions.

I can only wonder what the fisters are going through at this point in time. I wonder if you are able to truly let go and enjoy the sensations and enjoy the enjoyment and freedom the fistee is feeling. But you cannot forget your responsibilities. The person being fisted probably has not a care in the world and more than likely is so overwhelmed with feelings that she may not know up from down. Each woman is different. The dancers must both be engaged in the process. But the fister is the one who has the view and can see whether there is trouble or not. I can remember leaving a fisting demo feeling empty and craving a fist in my cunt. Now I am wondering if I will ever let someone even try to fist me again. I can’t imagine sex without it though so that presents a quandary of sorts. I will continue to learn from my experiences and grow. And adding another cliché, time does heal all wounds. I sure hope this is the case.

Another thing is that if there is ever any blood, the fister has to take charge and make a decision on damage or not. I would say the event needs to stop. The situation needs to be assessed. But stopping is not pulling out immediately because as much damage can happen with that as when entering. Part of my experience taught me that when the fister is pulling out if the fistee is tensed up at all, the fister needs to stop and help the fistee relax. If the fister pulls out abruptly and the fistee’s walls are clamped around his/her fist a tear can happen. So even after multiple orgasms and the high of the dance, patience and body to body communication is important. At this point the fistee is probably pretty spent and needs a lot of direction. The fistee needs to be able to trust the fister in his/her knowledge and skill.

I think for myself it is important to say but maybe more so for me to hear that it is not a failure when the whole fist is not taken inside of the fistee’s body. It is not a blow to someone’s skill or ego if the fisting is done with only 3 or 4 fingers and no thumb. It is not a sign of my failure in the grand scheme of things. It is about the sensations and the feelings. It can get scary to be in the place where you are putting your body in someone else’s hands. It can be scary when your body is reacting and you are giving over the control to someone else. That probably sounds odd coming from a submissive but it is still a scary thing for me. I know now from the lessons of my past that communication is essential. If I don’t feel comfortable telling the person I am with what feels good and what does not, then I need to not be letting them do things that might be harmful to me. If I am worried about hurting someone’s ego by telling them what they are doing is doing nothing for me, then maybe I need to not consent to anything to start with.

Fisting is amazing and incredible. It is something to be cautious about but I don’t think it is necessary to fear it. It is not about force or pain but like so many things in BDSM, it is about the dance of energies and the intermingling desires. It is about that threshold space where 2 people are not separate and 2 bodies are not apart. I still have not been able to go back to fisting. I don’t know when it will happen. The fisting fiasco was a learning experience and it was a lesson for me to build on.

Fisting is dangerous. But it can be a safer, saner and consensual activity. Other than hands: lube, communication skills, gloves and patience are the necessary tools to move forward into the great divine. The only other factor is time.


Post a Comment

<< Home