GENERAL DEPORTMENT

A How-to for submissive males

by: "Ron" raven@viawestdu.net

ravensron2000


DISCLAIMER: The following "rules" are not found in any secret old guard manual. They will not necessarily enable you to be collared by the Dominatrix-of-Your-Dreams, are really more geared to "being pleasing to a goddess who has already suggested you might be worth some of her valuable time and attention." Very specific ideas or "instructions" may not apply to every situation, and most especially may not apply to how a given women wants you to do something. The point of this article is to put the general mechanisms and manners, that (I hope) any man worthy of a woman's time would otherwise be doing, into the context of our lifestyle.

GENERAL DEPORTMENT

You should always be striving consciously to be worthy of her time and attention. Even when she's not there, you should conduct yourself as if she was watching.

You are always courting her when in her presence, however long you've known each other. Present yourself with as much care and attention as you would on a date with an ordinary woman.

Hygiene counts!: shower, comb your hair, brush your teeth, clean the sticky spilled soda off your automobile's seats.

Clothing should be clean and neat and appropriate to the occasion. Obvious exceptions would be fetish clothing otherwise inappropriate but worn because she desires it, or old, ripped clothing for heavy labor or messy tasks.

Employ general good manners in situations where you cannot display outright submission, such as in public among people who don't know the extent of your relationship. Treat Mistress and her peers as you would a judge in a courtroom, or your elementary school teacher; such that ordinary women, who don't have any idea who you two are will nudge their male companions and say, "why don't you treat me that way!"

Maintain a positive image of yourself. Take pride in what you do. You are lucky, honorable, and worthy of respect. Outside of a role- playing scenario, no Lady actually wants "worthless worms" or "dirt beneath her feet."

Display a pleased and pleasant demeanor. Move and speak in a calm, dignified manner. Don't behave cranky, petulant or fidgety.

SPEECH

Address her as "Mistress" in the same way a queen of a nation would be addressed as "Your Majesty" and as "Ma'am" instead of "Mistress" in the same circumstances as you'd call a queen "Ma'am" instead of "Your Majesty."

NOTE: When speaking to any other Lady, some allow the same address, some allow "Mistress" only if it is part of their name, some don't allow you to address them with that word at all if you're not their personal slave. Obviously, use the form of address to that Lady she
desires.
NOTE: While "Ma'am" is the default address to most every other Lady, as well as your Mistress, there are many women who don't like it. Use the address an individual Lady desires (E.g. "m'Lady").

A verbal resonse to a direct question or order, or a greeting, or a question to her, should include her title. Even if it's just "yes" or "no"; "Yes Mistress" or "No Mistress." If speaking to, responding to, greeting, another Lady, then it's "Yes Ma'am"/No Ma'am" (or whatever alternate honorific she wants to be addressed by, E.g. "Yes my Lady, Yes Lady X, Yes Your Highness, etc.)

Unless you are instructed not to speak unless spoken to, you need not refrain from questions or statements in the ordinary course of conversation. In ordinary social or business interactions, she expects you to be your normal interesting, charming, witty self.

Do not interrupt her when she is speaking to another, except in outright emergencies. "Catch her eye" silently.

When speaking about her to someone else who knows who you two are, refer to her by her title and name. If you know they know who you're referring to, then you can just refer to her as "Mistress"

Don't raise your voice, unless in the course of a sport or game, or hailing a taxi, or your safeword.
Don't whine. Ever!

Do not publicly disagree with her. The exception would be a group social setting where it is appropropriate to express individual opinions, philosophy, or knowledge.

Disagreement with her, public or private, must be done in respectful tone, without whining or temper.

Ask permission to leave her presence.

Ask permission to do something she hasn't yet told you to do. For example: moving to greet another Lady who hasn't yet approached, changing an article of clothing, volunteering to rub her feet or fetch refreshments.

Submissive persons don't have titles with each other, unless that's part of the requirements of the owner of one or another of them. Some slaves call each other "brother"/"sister"/"bro"/"sis"; this is mostly an on-line address but is not otherwise forbidden in real life. You can call another submissive person by a pet name if that's how they're introduced to you.

You can refer to a slave as "Mistress (Her name's) (slave's name)"

MOVEMENTS

Walk to the side of, or just behind a Lady when she's moving, to the side or just behind when she is standing still. Naturally, if a task requires you to move ahead or away from her then you carry out the task.

Open doors for her

Carry all physical items/articles/objects, save her handbag or something like that she wants to hold herself. If there are more items than you have hands, it is acceptable to politely request her to hold/carry the lightest, or ask to make multiple trips.

When a Lady approaches in public, stand up if you were sitting, bow your head very slightly while greeting. Hand-kissing is elegant, but I'm told that most American males can't do it properly so refrain unless she extends her hand in fashion such that it is obvious you will be permitted to kiss it.

You may not touch a Lady unless invited to do so. You may touch/hug other submissive persons if appropriate to the situation.

When she is seated, if kneeling or sitting at her feet is allowed, do so without obstructing her. Stand beside or behind her chair/seat unless and until she bids you to sit. Stand when she does, or if another Lady approaches unless you are actively doing something for Mistress which activity involves remaining seated. For example, if administering a foot massage to a Lady, and another approaches, you'd acknowledge the presence/approach verbally - "Good afternoon, Ma'am" - but wouldn't stop the massage to stand up.

Move swiftly, directly and proudly to carry out her orders.

Do not carry out anyone else's orders unless and until Mistress has indicated by word or gesture she wants you to do so, or if there were previous instructions that you could serve or obey someone(s) else.

*****

FIRST RULE: Men protect Women, that's called civilization
SECOND RULE: We're all serving one way or another
THIRD RULE: Don't guess, talk to each other!
FOURTH RULE: You're OK, I'm OK
FIFTH RULE: Patience is a virtue
SIXTH RULE: Honesty is the best policy
SEVENTH RULE: If no real responsibility, no real relationship
EIGHT RULE: Slavery in the lifestyle is a conscious choice
NINTH RULE: Despite our child-like glee, we're all adults here

ORIGIN of RACK: RACK VS. SSC

by Gary Switch

During a discussion of SSC (Safe, Sane, and Consensual) on the
TES-Friends list, I proposed RACK (Risk-Aware, Consensual Kink) as an
alternative. Here's my motivation:

Nothing's perfectly safe. Crossing the street isn't perfectly
safe. Remember that it's technically called "safer sex," not "safe
sex." If we want to limit BDSM to what's safe, we can't do anything
more extreme than flogging somebody with a wet noodle. Mountain
climbers don't call their sport safe, for the simple reason that it
isn't; risk is an essential part of the thrill. They handle it by
identifying and minimizing the risk through study, training,
technique, and practice. I believe this approach will work better for
us leatherfolk than claiming that what we do is safe. We want to
foster the notion that we develop expertise, that to do what we do
properly takes skill developed through a similar process of education,
training and practice.

Negotiation cannot be valid without foreknowledge of the possible
risks involved in the activity being negotiated. "Risk-aware" means
that both parties to a negotiation have studied the proposed
activities, are informed about the risks involved, and agree how they
intend to handle them. Hence "risk-aware" instead of "safe."

The "sane" part of SSC is very subjective. Who's making the call?
Person A might think fisting is insane; persons B and C might enjoy
it very much. "Sane" always reminds me of Pat Paulsen's campaign
slogan from the old Smothers Brothers show: "Vote for Paulsen; he's
not insane!" If you go around constantly reassuring folks that you're
not crazy, they'll start to wonder.

I've heard "sane" interpreted as "able to distinguish fantasy from
reality" and "not intoxicated," which are both perfectly valid, though
the latter is similar to the above -- you don't go around constantly
reassuring folks that you're not drunk, either.

"Consensual" is the crux, implying negotiation, which implies
being able to distinguish fantasy from reality, as well as dealing
responsibly with risk factors. If you don't know the risk factors, or
you don't know what will happen in reality, then you don't know what
you're consenting to. Meaningful negotiation must always take place
on the common ground of consensus reality.

The "kink" part went in to make a snappy acronym and because SSC
doesn't tell you what you should be SSC about. Safe, Sane and
Consensual trout fishing? Alluding to the rack, an archetypal torture
instrument, has been criticized, but to me it signifies our
transformation of atrocity into ecstasy, and admits that though we may
enjoy some dark fantasies, we realize them harmlessly.

RACK is admittedly more confrontational than SSC. It's defiant,
the same way the GLBT community uses "queer." RACK allows us the
freedom to have non-PC (politically correct) fantasies. Don't a lot
of us enjoy non-consensual fantasies, either from the top side or the
bottom side? We enjoy them in our literature; we may very well enjoy
them while we play. But we act them out responsibly and consensually.

Originally published in Prometheus, issue 31. Permission is granted
to reproduce and distribute this essay, as long as it's reproduced in
its entirety and is attributed to:

Gary Switch, Contributing Editor, Prometheus Magazine,
GarySwitch@aol.com

http://www.albanypowerexchange.com/BDSMinfo/rack_vs_ssc.htm

AfterCare

-author unknown (please advise us if you do).

A: Attentiveness – This includes intimacy: cuddling, caressing,
hugging, kissing, massaging, and whispers. Free the bottom from
bondage. Have a change of clothing packed. Control body temperature.
Get warmth by: blankets, clothing, socks, slippers. Cool down by:
drinking water, slowing your pace, move to cooler location. Relax
your muscles &mind. If bottom is flying, cover eyes from bright
lights. Negotiate beforehand what you will need.

F: Fortify – Your body's needs: hydrate by drinking water or juice,
eating food, sugar, medications, and nicotine. Clean up: use the
rest room, wash your hands &face, administer first aid to wounds
and collect your thoughts. Rest: a large amount of energy was
exerted &endorphins raging through the body. Prepare beforehand how
to give aftercare &clean up the scene. 3rd party aftercare? Know
any medical conditions for both Top and bottom.

T: Transition – A huge Power Exchange took place. Develop a way to
Empower yourself. Reclaim the power dynamics within your
relationship. Refocus your temperament. Find the balance in your
roles. Acquire your natural disposition of mind, body &spirit.
Allow different gear speeds to drive you so that you can operate
smoothly. Feeling safe and secure requires reestablishing your
former protective walls and defenses.

E: Express – Giving &showing gratitude to your partner(s) is
paramount in emphasizing the scene had meaning. Recognize your
appreciation for the hard work just displayed. A heart felt "Thank
You" goes a long way. Acknowledge the importance of your connection,
which you just shared. Affirm your care and concern, be supportive
and listen. Consider what you can do for/to one another
to `ritualize' the ending of the scene.

R: Recovery – It takes time to: sober up, decompress, collect one's
thoughts, and recuperate in order to be independent again. Cognitive
thinking, emotional stability, and full motor functionality are all
regained with time. The feeling of abandonment is common if this
necessary recovery period is insufficient. When problems occur and
things go wrong; react quickly, decisively, and assertively. Prepare
your options for scene breakers/stoppers.

C: Communicate – Be supportive and listen to each other. Did you
exchange contact information? Call, talk, email, visit, &journal:
within hours, days, weeks, and months. Determining how much follow
up is needed depends upon the depth of your scene &the areas of the
mind that was delved into. Exchange recognition of your needs for
both partners. Tops are "psycho", not "psychic" – share your
feelings and give them feedback.

A: Analyze – Understand your feelings: hurts, pains, euphoria,
disappointments, regrets, and pleasures. Assess your immediate &
long term needs. Did you have an emotional release? What did your
tears or laughter mean? Are you experiencing delayed "crashing" –
Top/sub drop? Tops &bottoms can experience regrets and remorse for
what just happened. Do you need reassurance &validation for your
actions? Endorphin levels take time to stabilize.

R: Reflect – A critical reflection upon the scene is a natural
process and should be explored by both players. Were the
expectations, goals, and/or limits reached? Were they realistic? Was
the scene effective? What elements could be changed? What "mental"
barriers or wounds were opened and now need attention to heal? Was
the equipment used adequate? If there was an audience, were they
affected? What precautions should you take next time?

E: Explore – Future possibilities to play again with this person.
Find ideas to be researched. Determine which skills to improve.
Redefine your don't list and questions to ask. Locate areas of
uncomfortability to avoid. What is on your wish list? Don't have the
mindset of "got to play-itis". What changes do you need to make with
your negotiations? Where are you now? What have you learned? Realize
there is no `one' standard for aftercare. Make it what you need and
what works for you and your partner(s).